Time to Reset

Four hundred and eighty three days ago, I started on what I thought would be the beginning steps towards chasing my dreams. After graduating from University, I moved from Portland, Oregon to Washington D.C. to join my partner, who would be attending a DC graduate school in the fall. We had been in a long distance relationship for two years and thought that DC would be the opportune time and place for us to work on our future.

She had visited me in DC during the previous summer when I was interning as an technology policy intern. When she left, she left me the following picture of our dreamboard at the end of one of her notes.

We were special. We would travel the world together. We would climb over any challenge and take steps towards pursuing our passions in writing and social change. We would capture our perfect lives on film and picture and share that with the world. DC was it. DC was where our dreams would begin.

Well, we're no longer together, and haven't been together for the past 8 months. The city exposed our personal and communication problems that were hidden when we lived separate lives over 3000 miles apart. The city that once was once the culmination of so many hopes and dreams now represents happiness that got away.

For the past 8 months, I had been day dreaming of quitting my job and traveling. I romanticized backpacking through southeast Asia with no time frame, only returning when money runs out. My parents were concerned with the sudden lack of motivation and drive that I showed. I didn't really see it as a lack of motivation, but rather a motivation to seek out a gamut of experiences that would teach me more than what an office job may offer. To appease my parents, I put out some feelers in Indonesia with no expectations.

After months of sporadic communication back and forth, one company finally gave me an offer near Thanksgiving. Initially I didn't want to accept the offer; my plan was to quit and travel. However, in some ways, I think I was just too afraid to make the decision to be happy, to look forward in my life rather than backwards. For so long I was so sure that there would only be one route to happiness. All I had to do was hold out for a little bit longer and things would go back to normal...we would be back together and I would be rewarded for my misery.

Life doesn't work that way.
We choose to be happy. We choose to make the best of our situation.

Thankfully, the company's second offer nipped me in the butt and helped me realize that. I'm not one to particularly look for signs in my life, but I took their offer as a sign to get out of DC as soon as possible. Life is to too short to wait for happiness. The best time is now.

Ever since I've made the decision to be happy, I've felt as if a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I've embraced aspects of myself that I've since lost from being in a relationship. I'm excited and determined to create my adventure.

2015 has been a pretty bad year:
- Wrist injury (playing mercy)
- Tendon Injury (climbing)
- Torn ACL and Surgery (basketball at the community center)
- Breakup
- Crying, lots of crying

Those are all things from which I can recover.

I've also been blessed by the following in 2015:
- Countless rock climbing adventures (Coopers, New River Gorge, The Gunks, Red River Gorge, Lander, Smith Rock)
- A cross country road trip with my brother (PDX, Idaho Hot Springs, Lander, Boulder, Omaha, Chicago, Miguels, Nashville)
- First barstool trip (New Orleans)
- Lots of Chinese dramas

And most importantly, the people. I would not have survived 2015 without the beautiful people that have graced me with their smiles and presence, both abroad and locally in DC. For those of you that I've met in DC, thank you. Your energies and radiance lit up my life in this tough time. I hope I'll be able to repay the favor one day.

Hanging in there :)
NK