Dear Pat

I hope you're doing well! Thank you for hosting me during one of my stops in Europe. While I really enjoyed all the places I visited, I think the most memorable parts of my trip were the people I met along the way. More specifically, thank you for engaging in big talk with me; for asking me questions that challenge my desires and sharing stories that expanded the horizons limited by my experience. As I move forward in my life and career, I look forward to opportunities where I am able to practice your ability to blend with many diverse peoples and live a life that is vibrant, passionate, and sincere.

In one of our conversations, I shared having conflicted feelings between living my own life vs. finding a "good, stable" career that will fulfill my "obligations" to my parents. You had mentioned that I should follow my own passions.

As many 2nd generation Asian American youth, there's internal conflict between Eastern and Western Cultures regarding how one should take care of his parents and fulfill their expectations. In my experience, in Asia, children are often expected to take care of their parents when they get older. I remember being asked by my Indonesian relatives if I would have children: "who will take care of your when you're older?" Whereas, in the US, there's a mindset that you don't owe your parents anything. A few of my professors in University reiterated this mindset:

"If you reject your passions and follow your parents’ wishes, who will you be living for when they pass away?"

I was frustrated with the clash of cultures as a Chinese American. I'm not Asian enough to be Asian. And I'm not American enough to be American. As such, I don't have any easy predefined roles to follow. I stand in the middle trying to define a role, a recipe, a set of directions for myself.

On the plane on my way to visit a couple best high school friends living in San Francisco, I watched a documentary called "My Life in China" by Kenneth Eng. The documentary follows the story of how his father "walked for 7 days and 6 nights before swimming for 4 hours to Macau to escape starvation in 1966" (Link). He made the trip twice. He got caught and was sent back the first time. What. The story went on to explain the jobs he took and the decisions he made to survive, his eventual move to the US, and his feelings of failure ever since his restaurant went bankrupt.

Without much money, my parents moved to the US for school in the early 80s in pursuit of the American dream. Their college experience differed greatly from mine. While my college years were sprinkled with international travel, comfortable living, and no concern for real life, my parents walked 40+ minutes to the theatre on Tuesdays to watch discounted movies, lived in crammed apartments, and worked campus jobs to make ends meet.

Even after all that, they fought to enter a predominantly white workforce in search for a H-1 Visa such that they could eventually get a green card and start a family in the US to give their kids a better life. They fought through cultural barriers, communicating in a second language, discounted pay, side jobs to cover rent, periods of unemployment, and prejudice from their coworkers and community among many other obstacles to create a beautiful life for my brother and I.

It’s difficult for me to describe the amount of adversity my parents faced because I myself have never really experienced any of that. My parents provided my brother and I with the best opportunities in school and extra-curricular activities. They always told Santa exactly what we wanted for Christmas while forgetting to mention their own wishes.

And I complain about being unhappy when I had a great job with awesome hours and even better coworkers…

So when I sit down and really look at the amount of hardship and sacrifice my parents have endured to provide for me, I want to reframe the "obligation" into an honor. To earn the respect from those two pioneers couldn’t make me any happier.

I grew up spoiled. I wouldn't be where I am today without the help and influence of those around me. My accomplishments started with my parents. I can't thank mom and dad enough. Through triumph and struggle, they have been there every step of the way. 

I hope I was able to describe some of the feelings that I and other 2^nd generation Asian Americans might experience. I think there are multiple ways for people to handle similar situations. But for me, this way just feels right.

Can't wait to meet again!

NK

P.S. As a side, I may have expressed discontent because I felt limited by my engineering degree. However, with this new job in Indonesia, I realize how lucky I am to be an engineer, especially one from the US. The doors are all out there, it’s just a matter of having the courage to approach them and putting in the elbow grease needed to open them. It’s possible to pursue my passions and make my parents proud at the same time. Yes, I’ll have my cake and eat it too. I’m that hungry.

This masterpiece was created when I was 19 years old. My family.